Awful...

Wow, Its been forever since I posted....again. Well first, I was on a little weekend vacation in Illinois, then I was getting some bills paid, going to a couple events for my niece and getting some stuff put together for her, and i'm currently in the process of getting all of my affairs together for my daughter. I'm also getting her bedroom repainted and put back together for her to be with me primarily and her father on the weekends, more than this back and forth stuff. I want to fill in a few gaps of what has gone on in the last 15 years, and that is going to take a while. My oldest sister/half sister (Whom we will call Danielle) has four children, by four different men. Variety makes things more interesting, right? Let me add that this does not make my sister a bad person, nor does it make me hate her. I have other reasons for not getting along with her. I'm sure you all know what heroin is, but for those who don't, please, let me explain. Actually, let Wikipedia explain, as they do it so well. 

Heroin (diacetylmorphine or morphine diacetate (INN)), also known as diamorphine (BAN), is an opioid analgesic synthesized by C.R Alder Wright in 1874 by adding two acetyl groups to the moleculemorphine, a derivative of the opium poppy. When used in medicine it is typically used to treat severe pain, such as that resulting from a heart attack. It is the 3,6-diacetyl ester of morphine, and functions as a morphine prodrug (meaning that it is metabolically converted to morphine inside the body).^[4] The white crystalline form considered "pure heroin" is usually the hydrochloride salt, diacetylmorphine hydrochloride. When heroin is supplied illegally, though, it is often adulterated to a freebase form, dulling the sheen and consistency to a matte-white powder.^[5] As of 2004, roughly 87% of the world supply of opium and its derivatives, including heroin, was thought to be produced in Afghanistan.^[6] However, production in Mexico has risen six-fold from 2007 to 2011, changing that percentage and placing Mexico as the second largest opium producer in the world.^[7]

As with other opioids, diacetylmorphine is used as both an analgesic and a recreational drug. Frequent and regular administration is associated with tolerance and physical dependence, which may develop intoaddiction. Internationally, diacetylmorphine is controlled under Schedules I and IV of the Single Convention on Narcotic Drugs.^[8] It is illegal to manufacture, possess, or sell diacetylmorphine without a license in almost every country. Under the chemical names diamorphine and diacetylmorphine, heroin is a legally prescribed controlled drug in the United Kingdom, and is supplied in tablet or injectable form for the same indications as morphine is, often being preferred over morphine due to its lower side-effect profile. It is also available for prescription to long-term users as a form of opioid replacement therapy in the Netherlands, United Kingdom, Switzerland, Germany, and Denmark, alongside psycho-social care—in the same manner that methadone or buprenorphine are used in the United States or Canada—^[9][10] and a similar programme is being campaigned for by liberal political parties in Norway.

Danielle first used heroin when she was 15 years old. It became her best friend as it does for us all, and is also what betrayed her in the end... as it does to us all. At the time, our family situation was really messed up. From her perspective, it had to be absolutely insane. She had dropped out of high school, was dating a dj, but also living in her mothers basement. Having witnessed every parental fight, seen all of the horrific events such as our sister being hit by a Mac truck, our fathers industrial accident, and being told that her biological father was her stepfather by marriage, it had to be like "what the fuck is going on here???" Most addicts are self medicating when they use heroin, cocaine, pills, what have you. I'm sure she was no different. I was around 10 years old, we had only been in Indiana for a year or two, and i was too naive to even have a clue as to what was going on. Locking myself in my bedroom and listening to K's Choice while writing bad poetry was my life. The next couple of years would consist of my parents divorce being final, and some fun things like being legally kidnapped by Sue Spurr.

Apparently when Christians kidnap you its legal. Now again this is another entry entirely, but the story in a nutshell, I was kept at their house for an entire week, was forced to sit with their daughter at lunch, and they even arranged for me to get off the bus at their house, and their stop was before mine, I was like 10-11 years old. assholes...still hate that family. They were high up with the church and community so...yeah.

Getting back on track, I used to say when i was younger that i would never do drugs, especially heroin. I used to think that heroin came in little bags already liquefied, lol, that's how much i didn't know about it. You could say that i followed in my sisters footsteps in a way i suppose. She got pregnant the first time when she was 18 years old. She had a beautiful little girl named Violet Faye, but didn't stop her from using. Admittedly using while pregnant, she is lucky that her daughter has turned out to be as smart and witty as she is today. In the end of her birthing reign, she now has 4 children. Two little girls, Two little boys. Now to the reason we do not speak. When i was 18, i got pregnant with my own little girl. I say that this saved my life, and though being pregnant didn't stop my using either, i still stick to that claim. I was the family drug runner. Getting heroin for my sister and I, Ritalin and adderal for my mother and stepfather, and Oxycontin for us all, they could always depend on "Bec" to always have or get what they needed. One night Danielle begged and begged for me to bring her stuff over to my dad's before i went home to my mothers. I should have listened to my gut feeling which was to go home, but manipulation prevails and i give in. Having had a fight with my mother, Danielle was living with my father with her three young children. After warning her not to do all of it at one time, she does it anyway. Long story short, she overdoses and the emt/cops get called, I go to jail, and she goes to the hospital. I had taken all the drugs so she wasn't caught with anything. I wanted to prevent her children from being taken by the state. My efforts did no good and the children were removed while i was in jail. That will lead to an epic post that will take me forever to write, so please hold on that one. Up to even now, she still somehow says that her children being gone is my fault. Now, when i was trying to convince her not only to stop using but to wait till i went home first, how is her not listening to my instructions my fault???? I'm honestly confused here. I'm done with this for now. It's bad writing to stop mid story, but i promise that i will continue this tomorrow. More reasons, more story, and more dysfunctional goodness :)